Reddit Neckbeard Advice And Vet Bros

I left the military twice.

When I first left Active Duty, I was thrown into the civilian world. There was a lot more to learn about the real world than just transitioning from the military. Leaving the infantry is a challenging task on its own. I had to deal with two combat deployments to Helmand Province, one of them not even a year removed from my exit.

My transition from grunt to civilian was short-lived. One year into college I joined a Reserve unit in Chicago. Weapons Company, 2/24. Eventually, I came back full circle and was commissioned as an officer and found myself right back where I started:1/7.

I'm sure there's a lot of poetic nonsense that I can glean from that. Sometimes, that's just how life plays out.

What I'm really here about today is this quote from a book I'm reading by Adam Mager, Odysseus & the Oar.

"A third option is to rebel and completely disidentify with one's military history. A good friend of mine has chosen this option. He'd rather avoid the possibility of being perceived as a veteran – thus avoiding potential projections for being one. I respect his position and its protective function, though I do believe there's a cost to disowning a part of our history and identity."

I'm pretty good at getting out of the military. I did it twice. Unfortunately, getting your DD-214 the second time isn't as incredible as it was the first time.

But one thing I struggled with when I first got out was identity.

Bad Advice

I tried hard to "not be a veteran." I didn't want anything to do with looking like I had served. It's not that I wasn't proud; I was given bad advice.

Before you judge, I know all of you have turned to Reddit for advice.

I was one of the first from my friend group to get out. So, I turned to Reddit. A lot of the advice given there was pretty much "just drop it." "No one cares." "If you hang onto it like a Vet Bro, you're like a kid who peaked in high school."

But that's the problem. That mindset minimizes a pivotal moment in someone's life. If you can't let go, you're just the ex-high school quarterback.

Now, I'm not saying that you should be moto and wear nothing but cringy Grunt Style t-shirts, but the opposite is just as bad, if not worse.

Instead of embracing a part of your history, you reject it. By rejecting a former part of yourself, you cut yourself off from others who need help. Others who could use your guidance.

O.K. Advice

Leaving the military is hard. The longer you serve, the harder it becomes. If your job revolves around killing (ie, infantry), the transition is even harder. Then you add in combat deployments, and you have a complex situation.

Boot camp, or basic training, depending on your branch, was a calculated and controlled environment that tore you down from your civilian habits over a period of time.

What about the back-end of that? When those habits are more ingrained?

You get a bullshit one-week course by a mouth breathing civilian who's following a checklist.

I took the same TRS class twice, 10 years apart. It hasn't changed.

Until "they" figure it out, veterans have each other to help bridge that gap. And that starts by taking ownership of what you accomplished. You don't even have to do anything. Let your actions speak.

Don't know how? Ask for help.

P.S.

I haven't finished the book yet, but Odysseus & the Oar, is about the transition from military life to civilian life with a focus on those who suffer from PTSD. It's told through the lens of the Odyssey and I highly recommend it.